*** I can tell Detroit's in big trouble. I went to a dealership and they asked for a payment of $19.99 for an '08 model--I said, "Wow, that's a low down payment!" "Downpayment nothing," said the salesman, "that's the price of the car!"
*** Wowed by her sense of style and glamor, fashion designers have started referring to her as "Jacke' Kennedy."
*** I was shocked when it was announced that Simon Cowell and his wife were splitting ---he's married to a woman!
*** At Olive Garden yesterday the waiter aked if I was interested in aperitif. I said , "No thanks, I have new dentures!"
*** I man was arrested for training his falcon to brutally attack Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. He was charged with trying to kill two stones with one bird.
*** My wife's getting suspicious over the fact that everytime the phone rings and she answers, someone hangs up. "Is that a woman you're having an affair with?" she asked angrily. I said, "Don't be silly--she calls me on my cell phone!"
*** Scientists have theorized that the "Big Bang" was immediately followed by angry complaints about the noise from parallel universes.
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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