Panhandlin' in the Panhandle

*** Tired of charges that he associated with 60's terrorists, Obama produced proof that McCain once paled around with Guy Fawkes.

*** I wouldn't say that the Dow Jones has sunk to ever new lows in the past week, but there should be a 3-D version.

*** The fact that Bush's approval rating has hit an all-time low of 25%, brings to mind the question: do those 25% have opposable thumbs?

*** "Saturday Night Live Thursday Weekend Update"??--- Okay, I don't know when the hell the show's on!!

*** Joe Sixpack, a roofing contractor in Muncie, Indiana, has threatened to bring suit against Sarah Palin if she keeps using his name in her speeches.

*** There are indications that Ford Motors may have to go into bankruptcy-- Tough Ford!!

*** I'm just happy I have all my money tied up in Amalgamated Soup Kitchens and Flagpole Sitting Futures!

*** Okay, McCain's poll numbers vis-a-vis Obama are not the greatest. I mean when you can feel Ralph Nader breathing down your neck...

*** Sarah Palin today launched an attack on Barack Obama, claiming he was toilet-trained by Eldridge Cleaver of the 60's Black Panther Party. "Gosh darn, wait'll ya see the pictures we have of little Barack in a Red Diaper!"

*** OJ Simpson, is reportedly already at work on a book professing his innocence, "Okay, I Did That One, But IF I Had Done THIS One".