Bennet Cerf's UP!!

*** Did you hear about the workaholic artist who painted himself into a coroner?

*** The local wrecking yard says they have a bumper crop!

*** In old China the peasants would use their landlord's excrement as fertilizer---this was known as working on your Master's Feces.

*** A pessimist is a person who looks at life through morose-colored glasses.

*** I have three women hung up on me---in fact they all hung up on me last night!

*** That failed comedian was in silent movies---at least the audience was silent!

*** I read that some British aristocrats quit their exclusive, elite clubs---they could no longer handle the Sir-charge!

*** That Hollywood doctor specializes in tinselectomies.

*** I wouldn't say "Bevery Hills Chihuahua" is bad but I heard John Walsh is looking for the director!

*** The analyst tried to get the nymphomaniac to see the eros of her ways.

*** My wife is really into Pac-Man. I can't tell you how many times she's said, "Pack Man!!"

*** I finally got into my own space and it said "Handicapped Parking Only"!