Sunday Funnies

*** I'm dead tired---last night I dreamed I had insomnia all night and then when I finally got to sleep in the dream, I woke up!

*** Yesterday I was bitten by a Brown Recluse---believe me I'll never ring that crazy Guatemalan's door again!

*** Does Mickey Mouse's girlfriend use Minnie Pads?

*** Hollywood's a place where all films are created sequel.

*** Why is there so much utiliztion of phlegm in Hebrew and Yiddish? My theory is , all that sand that got stuck in their throats wandering the desert for 40 years.

*** I down loaded Mapquest---they told me to get lost!

*** I think I got ripped off with my GPS---all it says is "So stop and ask someone already!"

***Of course road maps were made by men---who else would come up with the concept that one-inch equals 100 miles?

*** The celebrity was attending his deceased friend's public cremation when an obnoxious, fan kept tuging at him for his autograph. A tussle ensued and the celebrity lost his balance and fell into flaming wood pile. "He later called it a case of "going from the prying fan into the pyre."

*** Last night my wife said I could have anything I wanted for dinner. I said "Great!". Then she left!