*** My uncle absent-mindedly put his dentures in backwards and chewed his head off.
*** Cosmetic surgeons warned Joan Rivers that if she has one more facelift she'll have a goatee.
*** In a find sure to shake religion to its very roots, archaeologists have unearthed a fifth gospel, "The Book of Lenny", a show-business minded religious scribe. For example, in "Lenny:5:18," he describes how the "Sermon on the Mount killed!" that Jesus "wowed the multitudes with his magic tricks aided by his leggy assistant, Mary M., "and brought down the house with his finale, "'Three Day Pass'".
*** I have no luck at the track---I bet on one horse at 10 to 1---he finished at 3:15!
*** I just got back from driving my parents to the airport---their plane leaves tomorrow!
*** One of my professors in college, aware that I had short-term memory, allowed me to submit a short term paper.
*** Okay, I'll admit it---for the first 16 years of my life I thought "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" was a football story.
*** Bush seems serious about his disdain for world organizations---today he declared the US no longer a member of the International House of Pancakes.
*** John McCain, on the stump, reminded voters of his status as a war hero as he proudly displayed wounds suffered at the Battle of Bull Run.
*** Former Russian president, reverting back to to his youthful Marxist-Leninist days,gave a speech assailing fatcat capitalists---The speech is being referred to as "Putin on the Ritz."
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
2 comments:
Actually, pulling out of the IHOP might be a good decision. Have you tasted that pot of coffee?
One opened in our little town about a year ago, which was anticipated with the excitement of imminent indoor plumbing.
Well, the service sucks (we literally waited one hour for our food one mornin'"). However, I did get an all around good laugh from surrounding tables when I said that "I think our waitress went into the Witness Protection Program!"
Oh yeah, and they're overpriced!
Anyway, you're right---who needs those nosy foreigners telling our good ol' red white and blue places like Huddle House what to do?!
Post a Comment