Falderdash

*** President Bush has just announced a plan to remove troops from Iraq---he's going to march them into Iran.

*** It was so hot yesterday that two dogs pretended to have sex so someone would play a hose on them.

*** I was held up in front of a pawnshop---I was between a rod and a hock place.

*** I just flew in from Iraq and boy, are our armies tired!!

*** My dad taught me all about sex---luckily he was a very gentle man.

*** The Country Music Association has announced that due to the slumping economy, they will now only have their awards show once every month.

*** Paris Hilton would be a total unknown if her last name had been Ramada.

*** A team of humor writers has been commissioned to write a comedy version of "Two and a Half Men."

*** We have a motel in our town so cheap that it steals the guests' towels.

*** John McCain, under fire for making two tasteless jokes about killing Iranians issued a statement saying, "If Ayatollah once, Ayatollah twice, I was only kidding!"

*** It was reported that when Jeopardy emcee Alex Trebek clutched his chest while having a mild coronary during a taping a few months back, one of the contestants blurted out, "What is 'having a heart attack?!' "