Thank Intelligent Design It's Friday!

*** I guess in cyber terms you could say I’m a stubbornly old-fashioned guy---I always refuse updates on my hardware.

*** Great, I tried one of those “Lose Your Love Handles” programs---my wife’s breasts disappeared.

*** In the wake of Patrick Swayze’s passing comes the news that a sequel had been planned for Dirty Dancing---in it he and Jennifer Grey get married and are pelted by dirty rice.

*** A friend told me that his wife and he don’t see “eye to eye” in the bedroom anymore. I said, “Hey man! If I wanna know about your sexual positions, I’ll ask ya!!

*** I read of a Native-American tribe that was noted for its prolific breeding---A family having ten or more children. They were called the Seminals.

*** Weather says there’s a 50% chance of rain today---I’m only going out with one galosh.

*** Find my inner child?? I can’t even find my outside kids!!

*** Go figure---suddenly my wife’s into baseball---she said she’d like to play the field.

*** I don’t know why Rep. Joe Wilson is so against health reform---it sure would help him with that Tourette’s Syndrome!

*** I believe many modern novelists and screenwriters owe a deep bow of gratitude to the likes of Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Son of Sam, Richard Ramirez, et al--- without them they'd have to think up original concepts.