*** I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.
*** My wife tires of me talking about my old girlfiends. Jeez, can’t she even give me credit for going after women around my own age!!
*** What If There were no hypothetical questions?
*** If a deaf person signs curse words, does his mother wash off his hands with soap?
*** Schools are trying to teach students critical thinking skills---and believe me the level of their thinking skills is critical indeed!
*** My wife told me, “Act your age!” I had to admit that was a formidable improvisational performance she was asking for. I chose an Interpretive Dance.
*** Okay, maybe I’m hallucinating, but I swear I saw listed an episode of Friends, “The One Where Chandler Tea Bags Ross”!!
*** My sister!! She’s bugging her husband to take her to Guantanamo for aquatic sports. “Waterboarding sounds like fun!!” she told him.
*** I read a man with multiple-personality disorder was a victim of Quadruple Identity Theft!
*** The old circus act, the tragedy-plagued Flying Wallendas, were true professionals. It was said of them that they always finished their act under the wire.
*** I tell ya, if you only see one movie in your life---well, that’s kinda odd!!
*** My cousin Ira used to be a tree surgeon but he quit---he couldn’t stand the sight of sap.
*** I read that later in his life they gave the ailing Bing Crosby a scat scan.
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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