*** I've been entertaining sick kids lately. Unfortunately, they were fine before I started my gigs.
*** My psychiatrist said he considers himself a "past control expert".
*** I didn't get off to good start, when on my first day teaching at an inner city school, I heard one boy say "Ill axe my mother!" I called the police on him.
*** This heat's getting to me---yesterday I had a hallucination that Burl Ives and Orson Welles were sippin' lemonade and fanning themselves on my porch.
*** When my grandfather changed his will, everyone said he was just putting on heirs.
*** I never understood that expression "You made your own bed now sleep in it!"---I mean, don't you make the bed after you sleep in it? Things like this trouble me.
*** Sarah Palin took umbrage at David Letterman's joke about her daughter getting knocked up by a Yankee ballplayer.
"Everyone knows I'm a Red Sox fan!!" said Palin.
*** Taking advantage of Chrysler's woes, Toyota is including in its commercials the statement "...and it's Fiat-Free!"
*** Hey, despite that shooter von Brunn's evil deed, it's good to see an 88-year-old so spry and active.
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
1 comment:
That old guy didn't mean to shoot. He accidently hit the gas instead of the brake.
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