Good Morning Moonshine

*** My crooked uncle did time at Alcatraz for cocaine use. He'd always say, "I spent 20 years on the Rock for spending 20 years on the rock."

*** My agent's gotta go. He booked me to open for Sarah Palin when she addresses the Sierra Club.

*** My uncle Max always had a hands-on approach as a boss---his hands were always on the secretaries.

*** Upon recently turning 60, Billy Joel said his only regret is now he can't wear "a younger man's clothes."
He also talked about his early hit, Just the Way You Are---he confessed that maybe his first wife should have changed the style of her hair to that of Christie Brinkley's.

*** I haven't seen so many newspapers folding since I was a delivery boy.
(I was an ace, by the way. Many customers on my route praised me, saying, they hardly had to walk three feet to get their paper---they were a bit ticked though about the shattered window glass on the floor, though.)

*** My poor slutty niece, Sultrina--- her knees look like knobs and open like French Doors.

*** Hmm... I think Obama better watch his bodyguards. I read his Secret Service codename is "Uppity".

*** Yesterday I had a Cougar come on to me---she was 87!