From the Mystic East to the Plastic West

I have just returned from the Holy Ganges River in India----or as we insiders call it, the Swami River!
You should hear us joyously chant, 'Swami--How we love ya !"

It was the Annual Ganja on the Ganges Jamboree--- I mean Credence Clearwater knew nothin' about "Rollin' on the River"!!
One friend said he was so high that even what I said started making sense.
He claims he saw Gandhi arise from the river and joke about making an ash of himself.

*** Is it just me or can you not turn on the television wihout seeing my colleague in the Guru biz, Wayne Dyer.
Yeah, I love Wayne---every two years he comes out with another book (tape, video, DVD, CD-Rom, and Burger King tie-ins)revealing secrets that have been known for three thousand years.
Wayne, I say this with love, but Begone!!

*** Today we shall contemplate forgiveness.
Personally, I know it will be a trial to forgive my wife Sylviadayenta, after she told me that of our 5 children, only one, the dumb, ugly one, is mine.
My followers(despite the many restraining orders I've taken out) often ask me how they could possibly forgive some people:
'the barber who charged me $25 for this haircut!!',?
' that obnoxious kid in school who would always reminds the teacher she forgot to assign homework',?
' the profanity-laced text message I just got from Wayne Dyer?'
' The incompetent doctor who gave me an appendix transplant'?
' The pizza delivery kid who ate a few slices on his way over to our house because he had the munchies'?
' My crooked brother-in-law, Schmutzy, who taking advantage of my unworldliness , got me to blow 5 G's on his idea "to get in on the bottom floor of the TV Rabbit Ear business"
'when the dog bites---when the bee stings'
'when my wife started airing our dirty laundry all over town---do ya think it's fun being called "Skidmarks" wherever I go?
'People who say "I hear ya!" when you tell them something---hey, I'm here to give you info, I'm not a fuckin' audiologist!!'
...sorry, Krishna Morty displayed , what the Hindu call Baredikakka---or "showed his ass".
' to continue, Whoever it is keeping "Two and a Half Men on the air?

*** Let us remember the old adage, "To err is human, to forgive...divine". I have had little success teaching this concept to baseball managers.


Let us end with the sage words of a 20th century author (sic) Erich Segal, who told us in Love Story, that "love means never having to say you're sorry"---I mean, I showed this one to he Sphinx and even he threw his arms up in befuddlement.

Thanks you've been a great group of novitiates---may you take the right path to get home tonight (see KM Spiritual GPS's----available on Amazon)
I'm forever in your debt guys---I'm talking now, of course, to the Mafia.
I kid! I gotta go and have one of my assistants start up the car.