Free the Indianapolis 500!

*** Hey kids--Are your parents a drag?
Mom's always drunk, dad's out hustlin' in the business world?
Have no time for you except to bark orders?
They're making you take tuba lessons?
Do you wish sometimes you could have new parents?
Well, wish no more---just go to NewMomandDad.com. Our skilled staff, using the latest computer technology, will match you with parents who would be more to your liking.
These include: Overage hippies---get used to your new names like Moon Sunflower Seed or Pomegranite.
Weed aplenty.
Piling into a van with stickers on it like, "Free the Norwegian Aardvark!!",and visiting Jerry Garcia's gravesite.
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*** I was really on a bender last night. This woman was agile!

*** Lookin' forward to the Taking of Pelham 123---I love underground films.

*** I made arrangements to get my wife a choker---I hope the cops weren't bugging my line when we sealed the deal.

*** The only reason I passed geometry in high school was because I knew all the angles.

*** I unwittingly set up a laison with an underage girl using my Blackberry. That's what you call a "Tweet"---the same sound the cops' whistle made.

*** This Internet culture is gettin' out of hand. I heard next year the Girl Scouts will be selling computer cookies.

*** I'm a little skeptical of the prediction that by 2014 we'll have wireless tightrope walking.