Bobby Benediction---Christian Comic

*** Recently there was a church event in town that featured a Christian Comic, Bobby Benediction.I went to see him. Here are some of the jokes I remember:

"Good evening, ladies and Gentile men.
You look like a great flock and when I'm done I'll ask ya to get the flock outta here!
No, but I tease!
I just saw my priest friend, Father O'Hara . He was taking a walk with his little boy!. No but I poke fun at the Catholics! And so do they! No, but I mock!

Take my co-minister wife, please!

Hey, here the one about our Lord and Savior Jesus. He walked into a hotel, threw a bunch of nails on the counter and asked, 'Can you guys put me up for the night?'
Nah, but I jest with our Messiah!

Hey remember when He turned water into wine? Too bad the teetotalers died of thirst! Hey, Collateral Damage--whatya gonna do?

So this stranger's in the desert near Bethlehem and he sees a man pulling donkey atop which rode a pregnant woman. He approached them and asked the man, "Is your name Joseph?" "Why yes!" said the man. "And is your wife's name Mary? "Yes, that too is true!!" said the amazed man. "And are you going to name your baby Jesus?" "Hell no!" said the man," Do we look Puerto Rican to you??!"

Hey, how 'bout him and Mary Magdalene--Oh c,mon folks , haven't you seen "The DaVinci Code"?
Yes, I think our savior was not unfamiliar with the fleshly pleasures---if he wasn't , how could he give a Sermon on the Mount?

I just flew in from Chicago, and boy are my alms tired.

I was playing at 'Our Lady of 37 Under the G Church'---very bad multitude---they continuosly interrupted my gig with profane remarks and dire imprecations.
I fear I further incited the enraged mob, when I said to one woman in the audience, "Didn't you heckle me 20 years ago? I remember where your bosoms used to be!"
I was about to be pelted with, not tomatoes, but cans of V-8. Just then the kindly minister of the flock told the unruly mob. "Let he who has not told rotten jokes cast the first V-8!" I escaped luckily before being the first comic to be literally canned.

As part of his catechism I asked a little boy why Sunday was important. He said, " that's when we go to church and pray to God"... "Very good," I said. ""But what else? Just as important?" "Oh, yes, TWO football games" he said.

Nah, but how 'bout the Pope visiting Israel? He was there to promote peace and shop for new hats! Nah, but again I josh at Catholicism.
Hey, some consolation for the Catholics---they just discovered that Martin Luther banged his thumb while posting his 95 Theses.

Ain't it great how on every Easter they show The Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur on TV?--somethin' for the Jews, somethin' for the Christians. That's what I call programming.
Yeah, that Stephen Boyd character in Ben-Hur was so evil, I think he was using Judas's Chariot!

Scriptures tell us that the Last Supper was on Maunday Thursday---couldn't they make up their minds? It is from that event, by the way, that we get the expression TGIF, originally, Thank God tomorrow's Good Friday!"
Hey, you've been an exemplary assemblage!

Don't forget to give generous alms to your food bearers.
Go forth safely in your automobiles!