Take My Significant Other----Please!!

*** One summer I had to do community service by uprighting tipped over cows.

*** Our local mini-market sells canned Pig Brains in Milk Gravy. I never had the munchies that bad.

*** That medical TV show's getting me pissed off. Each week I tune in hoping to see Grey's anatomy.

*** My definition of "super-patriotism" is anyone who says he's a German Jew.

*** My wife can really hit where it hurts. During intimaces the other night I said, "You're every woman in the world to me." She shot back, "I can tell you you're not every man!!"

*** My sister!! Her husband came home to find her staring at a dumbbell. She said, "The doctor told me to watch my weight!"

*** I saw an unusual sale lot yesterday. It had a beautiful new car parked in front of rows and rows of inflatable Godzillas.

*** Reportedly people are watching their analog TV's like they're going out of style.

*** The sound of laughter is music to my ears. Audiologists are baffled.

*** My early love life will provide nothing worthy of being recorded in a book like "My Secret Life", I'll yell ya. I remember one young lady I took home. She yelled "Pull my hair!!" during our intimacies. Boy, I gotta tell you --I felt stupid with that wig in my hand! And I'll spare you the details of where she hung it!