I Found a 5 & 10 cent Baby in a Million Dollar Store

SO WHAT"S NEWS?

"Ill. high court rejects claim that governor is unfit to serve"---Oh yeah, that court was ill and high, alright!

• "Judge sets curfew, bracelet for disgraced investor Madoff"--wait a minute!!---he stole 50 billion and he's being grounded??!
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• "Doctors perform nation's first near-total face transplant"--- I thought Diana Ross's face had already been transplanted onto Michael Jackson's head.

"Suspect in wife's disappearance engaged to be married again"---wait a minute, I saw that Hitchcock movie!!
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*** A biographer of Errol Flynn wrote that he was exceptional at getting into character in a movie---actually he was exceptionally good at getting into the female characters.

*** Another bad sign for the economy---our local newspaper no longer has a "Business" section.

*** Before I got married I had been seeing a girl for quite a long time---I always kept my room dark so she couldn't see me behind the binoculars.

*** One shrink told me I was much too literal for analysis. He tried a Rorschach Test on me and asked me what I saw. I said, "I see you spilled some ink on a piece of paper and then folded it in half, thereby a random symmetrical image which has utterly no significance!"

*** He told me I have many issues to deal with. I asked, "Which magazines??"

*** When I turned 13 I was Bar Mitzvahed. In these parts a boy's rite of initiation
is killing his first deer. Well, at least that doesn't have to be catered.