*** Difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank? ---at a sperm bank, after you make a deposit you LOSE interest!
***My blue chip stocks just split---one half for one!
*** A guy on the street asked me for $6.95 for a cup of coffee. I asked why so much? He said, "I'm going to Starbucks!"
*** My uncle was a magician in the USO during WW II---he entertained the troops in the Illusion Islands.
*** I wouldn't say things are tough on Wall Street, but someone saw Donald Trump washing strangers' windshields with Windex and a squeegee.
*** Sarah Palin announced she will give to charity all the campaign money she received from corrupt, disreputable sources. Then, she will go back to her regular job as a waitress at IHOP.
*** John McCain said he will cancel his debate with Barack Obama because the Wall Street crisis needs addressing---he pledged to give the same advice to Bush that he gave FDR in 1933 when he was Roosevelt's eldest advisor.
*** Some guy really cleaned my clock yesterday--- maybe now I won't be late for work so often!
*** The public was shocked, as, emboldened by Clay Aikens' coming out of the closet, Richard Simmons, David Hyde-Pierce, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest outed themselves.
*** I did some "numbers-crunching" yesterday and discovered my finances were in smithereens.
*** David Letterman is really pissed at McCain for blowing him off. "Next time he comes, we'll tie an anvil to his leg and see if he floats!" said Letterman
*** On TV the other night, George Bush assured the public that "good ol' American industriousness and ingenuity will once again emerge triumphant---as soon as we can get a loan from China!"
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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