Journey to the Center of the Mirth

*** I know a guy so conceited he believed his Higher Self was better than other people's Higher Selves.

*** The doctor asked my uncle for a stool, urine and semen sample---he gave the doctor his underwear.

*** After his apparent drunken antics at the Olympics, Laura Bush is reportedly planing on divorcing the President when his term ends.
"Okay, an illegal invasion, torture and war crimes I can live with! But lips that touch liquor don't touch mine!!", said an indignant First Lady.

*** My father was wiped out in the '29 Market Crash---A broker leapt off a building and landed on his pushcart.

*** At my wedding a guest broke in acting rowdy and obnoxious. He was promptly ejected. Ten minutes later he came crashing in again, and was forcibly shown the door.
My bride asked me who that man was. "My cousin twice removed!" I answered.

*** My dense uncle thought the Stanley Kubrick film "Barry Lyndon"
was about the 1964 presidential campaign! In a related story, a heretofore unknown Kubrick film has been unearthed. It is a character study of a typical Midwestern character. It's called "Kubrick's Rube."

*** Mapmakers have officialy announced that the the city of Gainesvile is now located inside the University of Florida.

*** A funny thing---after watching an event at the China Olympics, an hour later I want to watch it again!

*** John McCain invoked the Domino Theory from the Vietnam era in his reference to Russia's attack on Georgia. "If we don't stop them there, it'll be Alabama next to go, then Mississippi, then Arkansas..."

*** My neighbors having a Garage Sale tomorrow. It's a shame, I just bought three of them last week!

***Have you tried that new drink made with beet juice, sour cream and vodka, "The Borscht Belt"?