*** I told my wife that as a comic I'm often mentioned in the same breath as Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock. She said, "Yeah, I hear their breath stinks too!"
*** Some jokes don't need writing. Witness today's Yahoo News headline "Paris Hilton's tart reply to John McCain."
*** Osama bin Laden's driver's tried to win the sympathy of the jury by complaining about what a lousy tipper he was.
*** I'll say this for the Nicholas Cage film, "Next." The scenery was breathtaking. Unfortunately the actors kept getting in the way! No, it was bad. I heard they installed speed bumps in the aisles of the theaters it was shown in.
*** George Bush has not been an unimpeachable source of information for some time now.
***My flight round trip flights to NY and back might have ben a tad more relaxing if they didn't show "United 93" and "We Are Marshall" as inflight films. Also , I was sitting by the wing and kept thinking I saw Wiliam Shatner trying to destoy the engine.
*** It has just been announced that the Nixon Tapes are going to be released for public sale. Titled "Tricky Fingers", the CD includes such songs as "Five O'Clock Shadow World", "What's Agnew?", "Pardon Me Ford", and the bawdy, "I'm Trying to Get This Down Pat!"
*** I reported Chili's to PETA for serving Smothered Chicken.
*** I wonder if before BC time criminals were sentenced to "Life to 20 Years."
*** Captain Ahab visited Starbuck's yesterday and told him to get back on the damn ship!
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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