Eggs and Nuts

*** Susan Atkins, one of Charles Manson's followers, was denied parole yesterday. Things were going well until she ended her appeal about how she's deeply remorseful, is a different person now and wants a chance to redeem herself, with "Oh, and Charlie's The God of the Universe!!!!"

*** In a related story Manson said he's going to sue the creators of the TV show and theme song for "Charles in Charge" for plagiarism.

*** Sure, having a harem is many men's erotic fantasy, but, imagine having to pretend to listen to all those wives when they're telling you something!"

*** Hillary Clinton scolded Jesse Jackson for saying he'd like to tear Barack Obama's " nuts off." She accused Jackson of stealing the idea when he overheard a conversation she was having about Bill.

*** I taught at a tough a school---their Senior Class picture was hanging on the post office wall.

*** The difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank is after you make a deposit at the former, you LOSE interest!

*** Musical historians have found a very off-color piece of music composed by George Gershwin, : "Rhapsody in Green."

*** I'm so old I actually remember when MTV actually played music videos.

*** Bible scholars have revealed that the TV show "Scare Tactics" is actually mentioned in the Book of Revelations.

*** After seeing that guy with the "John 3:16" sign at ball game after ball game, I looked it up in the Bible and was amazed to see it said, "And thou shalt never swing away on a 3-0 count."

*** Asked to explain his longevity on television despite no discernible talent, Regis Philbin replied, "Do you know anyone else who can listen to first Cathy Lee Gifford and then Kelly Ripa prattle on without blowing their brains out!!"