Return of Son of Carnak

Krishna Morty ws supposed to be here today, but has once again been detained by Homeland Security.
It seems he was on a flight and loudly described and acted out to his co-passenger a scene from Blazing Saddles ,"...and so Cleavon Little says, 'I got something here I wanna whip out!!'"--he was tackled and subdued by passengers and taken off the plane in handcuffs.
We anticipate that it will all be cleared up as a misunderstanding, with Krishna Morty coming through with a light sentence--having to undergo a brief electric shock from triple A batteries
In the meanwhile, KM's close friend, Son of Carnak has graciously agreed to fill in---So without further ado, here he is from the mystic east, the all-knowing , all-seeing, omniscient mystic and former baggage handler at Newark Airport, '
The Son of Carnak!!
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"Do you think you're smarter than a fifth-grader?"---(what's the first question asked of prospective junior high school teachers? )

"Must Love Dogs"--- (what's one of the main requirements for being a daily movie critic?)

"Sumo" (Sumo)--- (What did Larry do once when Moe hit his head too hard with a hammer?)

"Chris Walken, Ted Danson, Ellen Barkin"--- (Describe a very strange show biz act involving Chris, Ted and Ellen.)

"Tyler Perry's Intellectual Properties"--- (what's a good example of an oxymoron?)

"Palomino" (Palomino)--- (how do you say "Pal o' mine" in Italian?)


May Osama bin Laden date your younger sister!!

"North to Alaska"--- (What do Civil war historians consider the worst Union strategy advice by a general in the fight against the Confederacy?

"OnStar" (OnStar)---(where are you most likely to find Paris Hilton?) )


"Domestic Violence"--(what's likely to ensue if you really piss off the cleaning lady?)

May a whirling dervish have projectile vomit in your newly furnished living room!


"The Naked and the Dead"--- (describe a wild party at Phil Spector's house).