SPORTS IN THE NEWS

With the baseball playoffs about to begin and the football season in full gear, what better time to welcome a guest blogger, Mr Sports, himself Chris Gumball. Who will be starting his new show here about the news in sports, Sports in the News .
Chris is an exponent of that new infotainment sports style---not just the scores, the standings, the dazzle, but the human drama behind the athletic contests.
The terminal diseases in the family , the overcoming of a life of drugs and crime; the beginning of a life of drugs and crime; the marital problems; the affairs on the road---oh yeah, lots about the affairs on the road!!--- the ordeals of gay athletes in a world of mostly hetero ones; the ordeal of hetero athletes in a world of mostly gay ones---yes, he’ll be taking a look at women’s tennis, golf and basketball, too!

Without any further ado, Ladies and Gentleman, the man who knows all about the balls and strikes---yes, he once threatened to go on strike for more money and his producer kicked him in the balls --- VIC GUMBALL!!

“Okay folks—ya know sports!, ya watch sports! Ya live for sports!,Ya die for sports--- chances are you’re a sport yourself---but most of ya are obese and don’t play sports!! (No, exactly how many Fritos you can shove in your mouth over a three-hour span has not as yet been officially sanctioned as a sport!)

Lets get right to the baseball play-offs---that’s the games 8 teams have to play before the Yankees play the Dodgers in the World Series…... When I was Brooklyn kid, we called that the Subway Series—-now it’s a series of Subways eaten as you jet back and forth between the East and West Coast!!… hey, but times change, you gotta roll with the punches and dance with who brung ya!…….back to the playoffs…...the LA Bums took a 2-0 lead over the Cards,in a game highlighted by the Cardinal left fielder, Matt Halliday, dropping a fly ball that your aunt Tillie's arthritic sister could have caught and would have ended the game with the score Cards 2-1. It instead started a rally which saw LA score two runs to win the game…….. Cardinal manager Tony La Russa has told his team to give Halliday some quiet time so he can process his gaffe and its implications. Said La Russa “Then we’ll all come together as a team. kick the shit outta him and proceed with his assisted suicide.”
The Rockies and the Phillies are tied 1-1 in their series which no one basically gives a rat’s sphincter about…
…… Meanwhile, the best team Steinbrenner can buy, the Yanks, are at press time, ahead of the Twins 1-0, but nobody really cares about this one either as it’s just a tune-up series for the Bronx Bombers, and a chance for the players to perhaps begin another family up Minneapolis way…… Lest we forget, the Red Sox are playing the LA Angels on their way to one of the two series anybody really cares about: Boston vs, The Overpaid Pinstriped Dickheads (hey, I love 'em!!)) and then the World Series match-up.

In football news: As we enter the 5th week of the NFL schedule, lets get to the statistics right away:

*** Drug possession charges: 7
*** Battery and Aggravated Assault: 9
*** Unlawful use of a firearm: 13
*** Running a Cock-Fighting Ring: 5
*** Rape or Attempted Rape: 12
*** Leaving the scene of an accident: 4


Okay--- the teams to keep your eyes on right now, (as will the police): The 49ers, Giants, Patriots, Jets, Colts, Ravens, Broncos and Saints and a few also-ran’s.
FEARLESS PREDICTION: Most, if not all of these teams, will be in the play-offs in January and many of the players will be out on parole.

EDITORIAL NOTES: What’s with these football players with the long dreads hanging from their helmet---I mean I saw one running back whose locks were so long,when he crossed the goal line, the nearest defender, clinging to his dreads was on the 7-yard line……
How many more Baseball Moments are going to be commercialized?? ……do we really need “This pitcher change is being brought to you by Midas Muffler”…”This conference at the mound is brought to you by Ford”…”This time-out because the ball hit the catcher in the nuts is being brought to you by Citibank”……” The player running around the bases after hitting a home run was brought to you by McDonald’s “…”This infielder throwing to first base after fielding a grounder has been…” Really? Ya mean that before a manager changes a pitcher or goes out to talk to the pitcher, he first has to check with accounting , “Hey, did the money come in allowing me to go out there?”……

Till next time, This has been Sports in the News!"