Bobski "Read Your Marx" Hopavich

I recently read about a little known piece of WW II history.
It seems the Russians, during the war had their own comedian, Bobski Hopavich, entertaining the troops who were desperately trying to turn back the invasion of their country in the 1940's.
The book included part of a typical monologue he'd perform when he visited the soldiers. Here, presented for the first time, Bobski Hopavich:

*** "I just flew in from Moscow and boy, are our armies tired!

*** "Nyet, but how about these German invaders---I hear they tie their boots in little Nazis.

*** "Da, it's great being here in freezing Stalingrad...Stalingrad, that's Russian for "my nuts have shrunk to the size of sunflower seeds!"

*** "Nyet, but I want to inform you, we just escaped a Nazi air attack---those Fokkers!

*** "Da, the Nazis call this a blitzkreig---blitzkreig, that's German for "Hey lets all go to the eastern front and freeze to death!".

*** "Nyet, how 'bout that Hitler! I heard when he was a baby his mother put a rattle in his crib---it was on the end of a snake!

*** "Da, when he came to power in Germany all heil broke loose!

*** "Nyet, but I heard that Hitler was trying to house train the puppy of his German Shephard, Otto---instead of going on the papers. the dog went on Mein Kampf

*** "Didya hear that our great leader, Stalin, has an eating disorder. Da, he's always binging and Purging.

*** "I'll inform ya though---it's a good thing our leader signed a Non-Aggression Pact with the Germans--- otherwise, they'd really be overrunnin' us now!

*** I saw a ballet just before I came here. A friend asked me if it was Bolshoi!. I said, "No! Really!"*** Nyet, but I heard that many German tank commanders were so frightened to face our valiant Red Army they wet their Panzers.

*** Hey, look for my new book, "I Owe Hitler 1200 Rubles".