The Iceman Stayeth

*** The test administrator had a problem with betting. All he'd ever do was proctor and gamble.

*** I came in in the middle of Warhol's famous 24-hour fixed-camera film of the Empire State Building. Of course, I stayed for the next show to see what I'd missed.

*** My sister used to tease me when I was a kid, calling me "Little Girl's Curls!" My dad was no help. He advised I hit her with my purse!

*** My old waterbed once sprung a leak---It was the first time a bed ever wet a man.

*** It's been so cold in the Midwest that there have been mammoth traffic jams---with real mammoths!

*** Since being laid off, I've missed the collegial camaraderie, espirit de corps and friendly fraternity---in fact I missed it while I was working.

*** I'm trying to write a sitcom along the lines of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and Everybody Hates Chris". It's called, "Everybody is Indifferent toward Arnie".

*** Book of Revelations, 26:11: "And it will come to pass that a film called "Paul Blart, Mall Cop" would top the box office receipts three weeks running.

*** As far as I'm concerned, every bird is entitled to its own pinion.