In the Good Ol' Summertime

"Amsterdam to Close Many Brothels, Marijuana Cafes"---note to self: Cancel trip to Amsterdam.
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*** In a drunken stupor George Bush Pardoned the White House Christmas Tree"

*** Yeah, people are really tightening their purse strings. Wal-Mart just opened up a '10 Items or More' lane.

*** My cousin was diagnosed with an extreme fear involving sweaters: "Angoraphobia".

*** I told my wife that I wanted her to have my children. She said, "Great!!. What do I need with a 32-year old and and a 28-year-old??"

*** My wife said that sometimes she feels like she's walking on eggshells. I told her it was silly for her to get a part-time job at a hatchery.

*** A psychiatrist said I was a Paranoid Schizophrenic. I answered, "YOU"RE OUT TO GET ME!!"... "You're the only person I feel I can trust!!!"

*** My Barber can really cut the rug. I didn't know they do that to hairpieces.

*** This automated culture is creeping into all aspects of our lives---our waitress today said, "Our menu has changed so pay close attention!".

*** Well, my wife has gone missing. I told her to ease up on the vanishing cream!

*** I got my first Unemployment check. The money ain't great but you can't beat the hours.

*** The job market is bleak. I turned to the classifieds and looked under "General Employment". It said "PSYCH!!"

*** I don't even get respect from God. Yesterday he closed a door and opened a window. Then He yelled, JUMP!!"

*** Let me again emphasize that I am a civilized person who treasures due process. However, whoever made that commercial with the baby talking about investing in the Stock Market should have each individual pubic hair pulled out with tweezers.