Falderdash

*** I ordered a club sandwich. They made me fill out an application.

*** With my curly hair, it wasn't a good idea getting a Mohawk when I was younger. Everytime I bent my head forward it looked like a Bikini Cut.

*** "Sweet Caroline" composer participated in a celebrity golf tournament and sliced one shot badly, "Diamond's in the rough", intoned the sportscaster.

*** When I was 18 I worked for Lehman Brothers in the mailroom. I KNEW putting that wrong envelope in the wrong in-box would lead to the eventual fall of those cheap bastards 42 years later!!! Revenge is sweet.

*** Now, doesn't McCain have some "splainin'" to do to Sarah Palin for interpreting Obama's "lipstick on a pig" remark as referring to Palin?

*** George Bush observed the 9/11 anniversary by asking all Americans to observe 7-minutes of paralyzed inactivity.

*** My aunt has so much gas that she's been declared a national source of alternative energy.

*** I told my wife that a woman should be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom---great, now she's charging me!

*** We know our dog's a Democrat because he's good at rolling over and playing dead.

*** He had to go the school of hard knocks before becoming a door-knocker manufacturer.

*** My wife accidentally took a whole bottle of aspirins. I called the doctor and asked what to do---he said, "Quick, give her a headache!"