A Streetcar Named Irving

*** "Letter carrier wants U.S. Postal Service to add kilts to uniform"---and you think they're disgruntled NOW!!

*** My friend's a "Deadhead"--a big fan of the Grateful Dead. I'm a big fan of New Kids on the Block.

*** My car wouldn't turn over this morning---those damn kids flipped it on its back again last night!

*** It's not easy being a Jew in Starke. I asked someone where I could get some lox---he pointed me to Ace Hardware!

*** George Bush thought the Great Wall of China was what his mother had in their dining room.

*** My blond sister answered an ad calling for "Some light house work"--she said, "Great, I love to watch that big light go around!"

*** My son wonders why he keeps having trouble wuth the law---he has a bumper sticker, "Drugs On Board"

*** I may be the only anti-war guy in town--they call me Lonesome Dove.

*** John McCain mocked Obama's suggestion that keeping tires inflated properly would save gas mileage. "How the hell do you inflate a wooden wheel anyway?" laughed McCain.

*** I read the military is having such a hard tiume recruiting, that we may soon be taking "An Army of One" literally.

*** Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were all set to take action when they learned that black NBA players were being made to sit in the back of the team bus---until they were told, that included the middle and the front of the bus.

*** I'm starting to suspect my wife's having an affair---she just seems so noticeably happy lately. That's GRATITUDE!!!