Pins and Needles

*** In a good will gesture to drivers, the major oil companies have agreed to lower their price per gallon by 2/10ths of a penny.
Estimates are that this will save the average customer up to $2.14 per year.

*** John McCain said he does not remember telling a politically incorrect joke about a woman being raped by a gorilla. As to his campaign's progress, he said he was "happier than a nun doing push-ups in a cucumber patch!"

*** I don't know about my blond sister---she told me she can't figure out how she has a brother and I don't!

*** When I was teenager I went to a baseball game on Bat Day and got a bat; I went on Glove Day and got a glove; then I went on Ladies Day and was very disappointed.

*** I read an interesting article in a movie magazine: "Jeff Daniels and Bill Pullman---How to Tell Them Apart."

*** I don't know why the drugstores won't sell black condoms---don't they have any respect for the dead?!

*** I got in an altercation in a bar---the burly fellow threatened to "mop up the floor with my face!"--I started laughing and said---"the jokes on you!---how you gonna clean the corners??"

*** I read about a woman who was so fat that when she went into labor they took her to Sea World.

*** A new scientific study said that we can decrease global warming by 50% if we can get Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews and Sean Hannity to just shut the hell up!!

*** This Christmas mania is really getting out of hand---my neighbor just put up his decorations---he just took 'em down three weeks ago!!